Eating disorders are much easier to prevent than to cure, and parents are in the best position to do that work. Most of your efforts will be carried out in the context of the family, not in organized programs. Keep in mind at all times that what you do is a much more powerful message than what you say.
Reject guilt. Science is telling us that genetic factors that determine personality have more influence than previously suspected in the development of eating disorders. Those factors seem to be activated when a vulnerable person begins to diet, buying into the belief that losing weight will somehow make life happier.
Create a healthy environment for the growth of your child’s self-esteem and to counter some of the destructive media messages about body image flooding today’s young people.
Give your family and friends the gift of a healthy role model. If you are a woman, get comfortable with your own body and enjoy it, no matter what its size and shape. Never criticize your appearance. If you do, you teach others to be overly concerned about externals and critical of their own bodies.
If you are a man, never criticize anyone’s appearance, especially a woman or child’s. Remember that children are more than just bodies. They all have talents, abilities, hopes, dreams, values, and goals — just like you do. Treat them as you would like to be treated.
Likewise, don’t allow anyone in the family to tease others about appearance. Even so-called playful teasing can produce powerful negative consequences.
Emphasize the importance of fit and healthy bodies, not thin bodies. The goals should be health and fitness, not thinness. They don’t always go together.
Praise your children for who they are, their personal qualities, and what they do — not how they look. A child who feels unattractive but is told that s/he is good looking will feel only anxiety, not improved self-esteem, and you will lose credibility in her/his eyes.
Especially important: Don’t you diet. Ever. In the first place, diets don’t work. They also send a dangerous and unrealistic message to kids about quick-fix solutions. Rather than diet, stick to a healthy routine of nutritious eating and fitness-promoting exercise.
Three of the most powerful risk factors for the development of an eating disorder are (1) a mother who diets, (2) a sister who diets, and (3) friends who diet.
Encourage healthy eating, not dieting. There is a difference. Also, make eating tasty food OK. Demonizing french fries and ice cream only makes them forbidden fruit.
Don’t forbid certain foods. Don’t define some foods as “bad.” Healthy eating has room for just about all foods in moderation. In addition, learn what normal development and weight gain look like. It’s not what you see in magazines or on TV! Encourage normal, healthy development in your children.
Make mealtime pleasant. Enjoy eating with family and good friends. Treat your family to a special meal once a week, at home or in a restaurant. Watching what you eat in the service of health is fine, but obsessive attention to calories, fat grams, and weight can set up a vulnerable person to fear food and the consequences of eating.
Help your children build and commit to an active lifestyle. You don’t have to spend major money on athletic club memberships or promote organized sports, but encourage activities such as biking, walking, and swimming that are pleasurable and can be done every day. Physical fitness promotes healthy self-image.
Sometimes kids interpret developing female curves as “getting fat.” Girls certainly need to know that normal development is necessary for health in general and healthy childbearing in particular.
Also talk to your children about the unrealistic images they see in magazines, on TV, and in the movies. Tell them that some models and actresses achieve their “look” by resorting to plastic surgery and eating disorders. It’s the truth. Point out how advertisers prey on body image insecurities by sending vulnerable people messages about the benefits of being thin — and spending their money on the advertisers’ products.
Most important of all, show kids — don’t waste your time telling them — how you take care of yourself in healthy, responsible ways. A healthy role-model parent is a child’s best protection against a whole host of problems, including life-ruining obesity.